Changes

A quick trip to Publix with hubby and the little guy:  One newbie and one pregnant woman sighted :(  I can't help but feel hurt. I wonder if that will ever go away. How will ever I face pregnant women and women with newborns and not feel this way? Losing Caden has changed me forever. I don't know the extent of all the changes, not yet anyway. But, I know that I will never view pregnancy the same.  After our first miscarriage, I would think that once I got to a certain point in pregnancy that I was safe. Now, there is no safe point until baby is in my arms and alive. I know more than ever, that every minute of every day with your loved ones, including ones growing inside you are precious and I will never take that for granted again.  I know that the statement "everything happens for a reason" doesn't apply really apply situation like this (okay ,well, for me it doesn't). Though I know that people say it as a form of comfort and they are trying to be positive in this dark moment. But, I know that any reason that could be found would pale in comparison to my desire to have son back. I also  found that people will surprise you in some amazing, some good and some not so good ways when it comes to something like this. But most of all, I know that I can/will never forget Caden and that even though it may get better, the pain will always be there. I lost a piece of my heart, I am changed forever. Loving you and missing you Caden , today and always.