Goodbye

Today I laid my little man to rest. It was a a very short service at the cemetery. I said my final goodbyes, though he will always be with me in my heart. Thanks to some new friends from AMEND who also lost little boys, he was laid to rest with a few items that were given to honor their memory( a beautiful blanket and a cross blessed by the Pope) and hopefully they are all together now.  Its truly unimaginable how much it sucks and how much your heart can hurt when you lose a child. Honestly, I really never thought I would be one of "those" women. The ones you read stories and feel bad about, but they aren't you. Except that, now it is me and I have to figure out how to be without him and be okay. I had to say goodbye to him, but I will remember him and love him always.

At the grocery today, I am in line and that is, of all places, where it hits that my life is moving on without him. I am not pregnant anymore and he is not here. Bleary-eyed, I sit in the car, rest my head on the steering wheel and cry. It was then, that I reached down into the packet of pictures, picked out one of my favorite pictures and tucked it into visor. Now, I can his little face wherever I look up.

This is the video I made  to honor and remember his life: